I’ve been meaning to commit this to writing since I got back from a conference in Panama City. The conference was held this past May in a beautiful setting along with some truly inspirational people. But, if you’re going to Panama for the first and staying in some of the same places I stayed in there are a couple of things you need to know.

#1. NO WASHCLOTHS. Now I never used a wash cloth until my wife pointed out the need for ex foliation. I don’t know how I ever survived without instituting this into my life before, but the nightmares have almost gone away. At the Plaza Piatilla they have hand towels and they have bath towels…not a washcloth in sight. The puzzled looks I got from the wait staff was priceless. Just an observation that is hotel specific? Nope. No washcloths in David, Panama hotels either.

#2. NO FREE REFILLS. Except for the higher end eating establishments, there is no such animal. I was irritated by this at first. Must be a money thing, huh? Well, yes and no. let’s go to the video tape. I was watching the Latin American version of American Idol and I got my answer. You recall how the three judges in the United States version always display the large chalice with the name brand emblazoned so big and so rich in color that it can be seen from the waiting room? Taking a look at the Latin American table, we see cans. Yep, cans. Aha! A clue! Taps filled with co2 are few and far between. Even the star judges don’t get that kind of treatment. Coffee is the same way. You’ll pay for each and every cup. Found this in David as well. Of course, you don’t need too many cups of Panamanian Coffee to get your groove on. Unlike U.S. coffee, this is a REAL cup of coffee.

#3 U.S. FAST FOODS. I can eat just about anywhere. Some would say therein lies my problem. It’s a heavy burden. But a piece of KFC chicken over at the mall in Panama is not the same chicken you get in the U.S. Seemed to me the spices were cut in half. It was like listening to a song that you can barely make out. You know it from somewhere but you can’t hear enough of it to really identify it. No Ranch Dressing either. I can live without it but my better half has been known to leave the premises grumbling in cases of the ranch dressing void.

#4. BEEF IS RANGE FED. Now this is a good thing. This is the way God meant it to be. No hormones or antibiotics to mess up your system. Pure, simple, range fed beef. They don’t age the beef either. This is probably another key to longevity in the little latitudes. Aged beef is another way of saying “decomposing beef.” Aging came about to tenderize range fed beef. A good idea at the time, except that you’re basically eating a half rotting corpse. Believe me, you’ll live longer by not eating semi-rotten meat.

I guess that what I like though. The choices. I like being able to choose what I want, how I want to live (or die). It’s sure not from consuming some chemically induced animal carcass. The people in the mountain ranges enjoy some of the longest lives anywhere. In light of this, maybe I’ll just go back to using hand towels.

M.C. Kopfer is former radio program director and talent scout. A graduate of Kent State University and a retired State Law Enforcement Agent. He is currently a member representative for the VR Group and an active contributor to Privacy Club International For more information please go to https://Kopfer.vrgroup.info or contact him via email a